Upon realizing that I had resumed blogging, a friend asked which purse I was now eyeing. Although what I wanted to reply was “There is this really nice navy croc-embossed clutch which is understated and timeless – defintely a win-win in my book. It is made by a design house I have recently discovered called Cuyana“, I know that the logical answer is “None. What use would I have for a new purse right now?” But that would have been a lie because although I have been cooped up indoors since March, I still managed to add two new purses to my collection. A tote for work – when will I actually going back to work? I do not know. And a waist pack that will be perfect for brunch or a night out – when will I get to show it off? I do not know either. One thing I do know though is that my love for the design label Want Les Essentiels is growing by the day and that is not good. Oh and whoever told you that I was a practical woman lied to you…

In any case, these two purchases gave me a sense of normality. There is not much I can do about the pandemic or about working full-time and trying to tend to a toddler at the same time. Or about having to social distance from the ones dearest to me. Basically since there is not much I can control when it comes to Covid and its impact on my life, why not just act as if summer 2020 is like any other summer. And as if getting a new work bag is a sensible decision to make – even if I might not be going back to the office until 2021.

All that to say that her question, as simple as it was, got me thinking about the lies we sometimes tell ourselves in order to go on. For me, it was holding on to the fact that with summer would come lighter days and a reason to dress up. But frankly, the past few months have been brutal and no amount of shopping can change that. So while I did get the purses, I also knew that I needed something else to calm my nerves. I have never been much into the wellness movement. To be honest, that word can sometimes feel self-indulgent. Which could explain why whenever I think of it, Gwyneth Paltrow and her company Goop comes into my mind. So it was hard for me to see how my life could be improved through the process of wellness.

Like many in the Haitian community, I was taught that there was no time for self-pity because that there is always someone worst off than me. We take pride in our resilience, even if it means never taking the time to assess its collateral damages. And I know the same can be said about a lot of black households. This is why a community organization like The Villij – which is committed to bringing awareness to the importance of well-being for womxn of colour – is so important. We can no longer afford to neglect our mental, emotional and physical well-being.

So what else did I do apart from shopping? I picked up running again. Running in the cold. Running in the heat. Running in the rain. Running through the fog.